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Mistakes Wo/men make in bed

Regina

Number Posts: 30
Last Post: 03.09.2008, 17:44

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Monday, 14. July 2008 at 14:02

MEN

You've got her as far as your bedroom. What could possibly go wrong now? Many things - read these and find out why she never phoned or returned your calls.

•Not shaving. Like love, stubble hurts. When you drag your chin across her face or thighs, she might not be moaning from pleasure, but from pain.
•Blowing in her ear. There's a big difference between erotic whispering in someone's ear and huffing and puffing as if you want to blow the house down.
• Twiddling her nipples. Nipples are sensitive and should be treated gently. They should not be treated like radio dials.
AND BITING HER NIPPLES IS JUST NOT ON EITHER!!!!! A BIG NO NO!
• Ignoring the rest of her body. A woman is made up of more than two breasts and a vagina. Pay attention to the rest of her.
• Not disposing of used condoms. This is the responsibility of the person who wore it.
• Not kissing first. Foreplay starts with passionate kissing. Don't skip this part - she will feel neglected by your apparent haste. But under all circumstances make sure that your mouth is kissing-friendly.
• Attacking the clitoris. Be gentle and don't use direct pressure. This could be both uncomfortable and painful. AND... IF U DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE GOOD USE OF YOUR FINGERS, DON'T USE IT AT ALL!!!
• Stopping for a break. Women cannot pick up where they left off. In this respect they are different from men. If you stop, she will go back to square one very quickly.
• Taking your pants off first. There are few things less attractive than a man in only socks, a shirt and underpants.
• Going too fast. Remember this is not an Olympic event. There is no need for you to pump away like a hydraulic power tool. Build up slowly - and you both might have more fun.
• Asking if she has come. You should be able to tell, shouldn't you? If you can't, assume that she hasn't.
• Nudging her head down. All women hate this. There is an element of desperation involved here when men do this. For women, it's a very short step from being dragged to a cave by the hair. If both of you enjoy oral sex, this will happen by itself. Don't involve an element of force.
• Taking pictures. Her first thought will be "Who do you want to show them to?"
• Giving love bites. Gentle suction on the sides of the neck can be highly erotic, but love bites can be painful and lead to infections. Who wants to wear scarves and polo necks in the middle of the summer?
• Squashing her. Just remember that most men weigh more than women do. If you lie too heavily on her, she might stop breathing.
• Talking dirty. This might make you sound like a desperate sex caller on a payline. Listen to her first - if she doesn't talk dirty, don't.
• Don't thank a woman for having sex with you. It makes you sound desperate and like a charity case. She won't be back for more.

15 MISTAKES WOMEN MAKE WHEN HAVING SEX:

1) BEING PASSIVE
Don't let him undress you and himself. Just help him a little bit, like making the first step. It won't hurt. One more thing, just cause we are men it doesn't mean that we must do all the work.

2) WEARING JEANS OR TIGHT PANTS
It takes time to take off these kinds of clothes. Every second counts. Remember one thing: the more time you got, the more rounds you got. And the more rounds you got, the more you are satisfied. Be smart.

3) GOING DOWN HALFWAY
Once you start going down, don't stop at the belly button or around it. Keep going or just don't go below the neck at all.

4) CHOCKING HIS CHICKEN TOO HARD
Men feel pain; we are not as tough as you think. No man has a leather Dick. You got to be smooth with the Dick. Pulling it too hard doesn't make us feel horny it hurts us even though we don't tell you.

5) LICKING HIS EAR TOO MUCH
It's just the same as a dog licking a bitch’s ass.

6) MOANING LIKE A RUNNER WHO NEEDS AIR
Better moan with style girl cause men love to make fun of girls who can't moan like movie stars (Halle Berry, Whitney Houston). Try not to make too much noise when you exhale.

7) SCRATCHING HIS BACK
We don't need no autographs, girls. It does not feel good at all! Depending on the length of the nails, and how deep u dig the nail in our backs, they leave permanent marks. So keep your nails in your pockets, please. If you feel the need to scratch a brother's back, either grip the hell out of the sheets, or the headboard.

8) LETTING YOUR LONG HAIR FALL ON HIS FACE
Men need air: they breathe. So please be intelligent a little bit. Don't just think about yourself:

9) JUMPING ON HIS HIPS 2 HARD
A man is not a horse so please take it easy unless you got a big booty that can take care of the landing.

10) SCREAMING TOO LOUD WHEN YOU CUM
What are you, crazy? Do you want us to get caught by parents or you just love to see us jumping trough the window butt naked.

11) KEEP YOURSELF CLEAN
Everyone knows that fish has a smell. But we don't have to be 20 smelling it when you take your drawls off. Please warn us if you haven't freshened up. And nobody wants to suck on no salty dirty titties. Ladies men aren't the only ones who sweat you know. And we sure don't want you smelling like you work at a fish market either. Make sure your ass is clean! No man wants to eat off a dirty plate.

12) Make sure your feet are in check
Every man has a certain turn on, everything on a woman must be perfect, that's how we like it and love it. Do not, I repeat do not! Get in bed with us with your feet looking like you've been walking barefoot on toxic waste. You know what I'm talking about, nail polish coming off halfway, smelly like hell, Uneven toenails, soles are ashy as hell feeling like sand paper, it's hard to perform good foreplay when you have hammer time, and most and worst of all, don't even think about asking us to suck your toes if they look like they've been beaten with a sledgehammer (ugly). And we are not too fond of unpolished toes either. We like them soft, smooth, pretty and most of all tasty looking.

13) GIVING HEAD
Some women have a very bad habit of using your teeth, that is not a banana. It's a hell of a difference between a Dick and a banana.

14) AFTER SEX: BROADCASTING
Don't go bragging to your girlfriends that you so called got us "whipped" or "sprung”. It’s not cool at all, especially when his homies are around. If a man is "sprung" he'll admit it. We may be "whipped" or "sprung" just won't admit it.

15) KEEP IT REAL
When you're at the point of a breakup in a relationship, don't wait until then to tell us we didn't knock it right. You know damn well we had you climbing walls & walking on air.

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[Post edited by: Regina on 14/7/08 3:00 PM]